Groucho Marx’s letter of resignation to the Friars’ Club: “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.”
— Erskine Johnson October 20, 1949, (Hollywood columnist)
The successful DO want to be accepted by their peers and associate with them. And for the record, Groucho was never bad company (except in some of his films).
Back to the point, ask yourself the key question: what people DO I want to associate with to improve myself? Who are my betters? Who do I admire?
Well, there are some good and bad choices to make. For instance, I try to avoid getting financial advice from people who are broke. The best life philosophers are not those who watch reality TV all day. And diet advice from the obese is suspect. So, associating with your betters is a good way to avoid bad advice.
You get the point. And so do people who are financially independent.
WHO THE SUCCESSFUL HANG OUT WITH
The data are pretty clear. According to numerous sources, the successful choose others who are:
A. Positive
B. Like-minded
C. Honest
D. Successful
Now, of course, like minded people of similar backgrounds usually want to be together. The experience is comfortable. There are fewer surprises and likely fewer disagreements. However, if you aspire to improve yourself, it is important to move from your comfort zone and associate with even more successful people.
No less an authority that Warren Buffett said, “It’s better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours, and you’ll drift in that direction.”
Better people are already successful.
As a counterpoint, know that most negative people are not. I don’t know about you, but there is a superficial appeal to those who are critical and cynical. So, while it is easy to assume that cynicism and negativity are based on a more sophisticated world view—be careful. That is not usually the case.
If a critical attitude is used to make plans, improve and pursue a dream that is one thing. However, a negative outlook is often a cover for a desire to do nothing and take no chances.
ASSOCIATES AND MENTORS
All of this raises another question. If you are aspiring to better yourself and have not yet succeeded, why should successful people hang out with you? What do you have to offer?
Don’t worry. If we were all trading life experiences of equal value, no one would be a mentor. Fortunately, I have found that most successful people are generous, and want others to succeed.
Start positive. There is nothing like telling someone that you are impressed with their achievement, and then ask for their advice and input. They nearly always want to help.
And that strategy is an extension of pure common sense. If, for example, you wanted to become a successful restauranteur, you would ask someone in that business what their priorities are, what their business is like, and what things they would avoid. In other words, you would learn from their mistakes and imitate their behavior too.
And, consider what Buffett said too. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, it is vital to act as if you belong among people who have done well—and act the same way. Try to have behavior that is as good, or better.
Finally, ask yourself: what can you offer a successful person if you want to be accepted as a friend or peer? What can you give them to further the relationship? The answer is that it is important to GIVE to others if you want a relationship with them. The primary gift you can make is a positive, realistic attitude and a genuine interest in what they have to say.
By contrast, negative people who are both passive and unrealistic are the most difficult to deal with. To paraphrase a (supposed) Chinese proverb, “you have to stand a long time on a hillside with your mouth open before a roast duck flies in.”
SUMMARY:
A. Successful people want to be with others who are successful, like-minded and positive.
ACTION PLAN:
A. Model good behavior from those who are better than you
B. Ask for help from people who have succeeded, or are succeeding.
C. Consider what you can contribute to social relationships with the successful. It is about giving, not just taking.
Disclaimer: consult with a financial professional before taking any steps outlined here. Not all advice is suitable for your circumstances or investment style.
Photo credit: Library of Congress, no copyright during the period