“I want to have minimized the number of regrets I have.”
–Jeff Bezos
“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
–Woody Allen
Hello everyone.
Regrets can be hard to deal with. We are going to talk about that in this post, and what to do and how to avoid them.
By broaching this subject, please understand that I don’t mean to talk just about monetary regrets but regrets in other aspects of life, too.
Of course, I believe that money and lack of money often play a central role in many regrets and the failure to achieve dreams. So, what follows is a mix of monetary and non-monetary concerns, plus strategies to use to achieve your dreams.
I have used some of my own experiences of regrets as examples. You will learn of some of my limitations, boundaries, and failures. But I hope you will be inspired as well. The key is to know that there is nearly always a way to achieve what you want. It has been true for me.
And please, as you read, know that nothing negative in this post should encourage you to stop dreaming. Recognizing a limitation does not mean the end of dreams either—they may change, the way they are achieved may change, or the timing may change. I have had to adjust my dreams according to circumstances many times. After all, you are reading a post written by someone who waited until retirement to try writing, so until I started, this was a dream deferred.
So, let’s look at some common regrets, how to avoid them, and what to do now.
REGRET 1: CAREER: YOU DIDN’T WORK HARD ENOUGH TO PURSUE YOUR DREAMS
“If I had just tried harder” is a sad refrain. Lack of effort is a common regret.
Effort matters. One of my favorite bloggers has pointed out that effort requires no particular skill. But effort alone is not enough when we are talking about achieving dreams.
There are three components to achieving dreams related to your career: 1) effort, 2) aptitude, and 3) demand.
It is terrific when your aptitude matches what you want to do. Warren Buffett “tap dances to work” because he is passionate about his work. He works hard. And in Buffet’s case, there is also an extremely high demand for his investment expertise.
So, there must be a demand for what you do if you want to make your living doing something you passionately believe in.
But if there is no demand, career dreams can go unfulfilled. For example, the artist Vincent Van Gogh had abundant passion and effort but sold only one painting in his lifetime. It took several decades for the public to understand his genius. Sice there was no demand for what he produced during his life, and he had to live a life of poverty. He was too far ahead of his time.
But instead, what happens when you have a different obstacle? What if you work hard and do not have enough aptitude? That can lead to a related regret: that you did not try enough–when your lack of innate talent was the actual deficiency standing in the way of your dreams. Sometimes, it is not easy to see the difference.
In a post in the future, I will talk more about when to quit due to lack of skill or other factors. Some of the most successful people in the country know when to quit.
Personal experience
I thought I had an appropriate college major. Then, one of my professors called me over for a private conversation during a lab. He told me I put in more time than anyone else and worked very hard, but my results never seemed to measure up. He suggested I change majors.
It crushed me. But it was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. The good news is that as a hard worker, I knew that I would eventually succeed.
I changed focus and went on to graduate school with a different major. And then, I got a job I was good at but only lukewarm passionate about. Still, it was enough of a challenge and rewarding enough to lead to a long career. Hard work helped me every step of the way.
And I deferred two other passions until retirement—writing and art. I do those today and do not regret delaying them.
I never used the skills learned in either major I had studied for.
Avoiding regret
The key to avoiding regret in a career is to balance aptitude, demand, and willingness to work and develop your skills. Sometimes, it takes a while for the process of balancing those factors to play out.
REGRET 2: YOU RESISTED CHANGE THAT WAS NECESSARY TO HELP YOU GROW
Sometimes, you must move to have better career opportunities. Some jobs are in specific places or areas of the country. Or, you must also get an education or specialized training that requires time, money, and effort.
That kind of change and risk is hard. Success is not guaranteed. You can fail.
Besides, it is easiest to stay with the familiar.
Personal experience
I don’t remember failing to embrace change to grow. Instead, the major challenge was kicking myself in the pants and getting started.
Starting is hard. Because once you start, you know you should keep going and make the necessary changes to your life—even if they are not pleasant.
Avoiding regret
Overcoming the fear of change and getting started is the key. Having a plan of action helps to take away uncertainty, too.
REGRET 3: FEAR OF ENDING UP WITH NOTHING KEPT YOU FROM PURSUING YOUR DREAMS.
Sometimes, the fear of failing is stronger than the desire to pursue dreams.
For example, many people dream of being an entrepreneur. Being an entrepreneur is difficult and risky.
Entrepreneurs who try to create a business from nothing put time, money, and effort in–and can end up broke.
For instance, sixty percent of restaurants fail in the first year. Millionaires go broke an average of 3.5 times, according to another source. So, the risk is real.
That kind of risk is not something everyone wants to take on.
But the failure to try can lead to regrets later.
Personal experience
Perhaps the most significant financial risk we have taken is to become landlords. We started a business, but it was a rental business.
We kept our first house and rented it out. And then we bought another property, another, and finally a third—all from the same pot of equity. The process took decades.
It was not easy. But we looked hard at the worst case before trying it and decided we could live with the results, even if they were terrible. So, we went ahead. But still, the possibility of losing was real.
Avoiding regret
Staring directly at the worst case and determining the real risk is a key to overcoming regret. Moreover, you always need to figure out if the return justifies the risk.
REGRET 4: YOU DIDN’T FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS BECAUSE THEY COST YOU YOUR WORK/LIFE BALANCE
Two of the biggest regrets many people have is that they 1) worked too hard and 2) did not stay in touch with friends. In other words, they sacrificed their entire life for work.
And let’s face it: if your dreams involve work and money, that can happen. The job can become everything.
The risk is real, especially the higher up you go on the corporate ladder.
Personal experience
It is easier said than done, but the key to managing work-life balance is to plan for it.
Avoiding regret
Having a specific, actionable plan and setting aside time for exercise, family, hobbies, and friends is essential. The best way is to block out time for those activities on your calendar and not vary.
It is important to say “no,” too. For more about that, see here.
REGRET 5: YOU OPTED FOR A RESTRICTIVE LIFE SCRIPT INSTEAD OF FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS
We are all driven by expectations, whether we are aware of them or not. Sometimes, expectations come from friends, parents, and others. Some are the expectations we set for ourselves.
These “internal scripts” shape our futures. And if someone else has written your script for you, it can lead to regret.
Instead, write your script, and do not fear success or failure. Just know what the risks are and whether you can live with them when you take action to fulfill your dreams.
I saw a fascinating example of an internal script in the book The Survivor’s Club. The author noted that one talented, intelligent woman he interviewed had one accident or health crisis after another. She nearly died once.
After a lot of self-reflection, it turned out that her recklessness and bad luck were due to her internal script. She felt compelled to act in a way that endangered her own safety.
She needed to find a new script where she was not taking so many crazy chances. And eventually, she did.
Personal experience
For a long time, I felt guilty about trying to exceed my parent’s success. And the odd thing was, they were delighted with my success and would not have minded at all. I finally came to grips with it. And I talked to them about it.
The critical thing is to know when you are doing something that is not in line with your dreams. Eventually, I wrote my script and stopped worrying about it.
Avoiding regret
If you notice patterns of failure in yourself, such as failing to strive and grow, have the courage to look at it. One way to start out is by asking five friends to give you a frank assessment of your strengths and weaknesses.
Once done, you might be surprised. You may find that the script you write for yourself is not one you really want to follow and does not mesh with your aptitude. If so, write a new script and put together a plan–including steps, timeframes, and the resources you will need.
REGRET 6: MONEY—YOU DIDN’T SAVE ENOUGH
According to most money experts, failure to save is the biggest direct money regret of the retired.
And if this is you, you have company. Most Americans live paycheck to paycheck. As a nation, we are failing at saving. Ireland, Qatar, and Singapore put us to shame with much higher savings rates.
We all have room for improvement.
Personal experience
I have always saved my money. However, there have been several things that have helped me get my finances organized. They are listed below.
Avoiding regret
Here are some suggestions:
- Put together a net worth statement. That motivates you by conveying the big picture about your finances and the necessity to save. It gives you a yardstick by which to measure whether you are reaching your goals or not.
- Take a hard look at the most significant three expenditures in your budget and see if you need to make changes.
- Examine and audit what you spend your money on.
CONCLUSION:
Living without regrets is important. But there is a caveat. Not everything you dream about is under your control. You don’t control aptitude or even how much time you have –as in item 4. But, if you work on the many aspects you do control, you are more likely to live a happier, more fulfilled life without regrets.
Disclaimer: consult with a financial fiduciary before taking any steps outlined here. Not all advice may be suitable for your circumstances or investment style.
Image: Lucian Andrei
License: Unsplash