“…if you get to my age in life and nobody thinks well of you, I don’t care how big your bank account is, your life is a disaster.”
–Warren Buffett
Some of you have noticed that I have not posted for many months.
The reason is that my mother passed late in March after a long illness. Much of my time before was spent coordinating her care. And I have been busy since then with estate and other personal matters.
I made the hard decision to stop writing for a while. Family had to take priority.
Even with time, my emotions are still raw and sad. But I think she would be happy knowing that I have decided to pass on some of her wisdom. Not all of the lessons she taught me are financial.
Most of the important lessons are not.
I am dedicating this post to her.
SOME BACKGROUND—CHALLENGES AND LIFE
Mom was a child of the Depression. That experience shaped her life.
When the stock market crashed in 1929, the economy suffered far longer, well into the decades of the 30’s and 1940s. That impacted every family in America, including hers.
They lost their business, which plunged them into poverty. This meant the family had to grow much of their own food, and items like shoes and other clothing became luxuries.
And, they were forced to start a completely new business to boot. So, as a result, Mom worked even as a young child. It was necessary, and she often paid the price, suffering in silence. She became scrawny and eventually suffered major health issues.
But she survived. Her resolve never left her.
When World War II was over, she eventually went to college at a time when women pursuing degrees were rare. She completed college and obtained advanced degrees.
Eventually, she met my dad in the early 1950s and went on to have a long marriage.
CAREER
She had a successful career, again at a time when women were widely discriminated against.
I once asked her about it. She told me that she seldom had a problem, but that if she had a good idea, she was reluctant to share it publicly with her male colleagues at staff meetings.
The reason was that her ideas were usually met with indifference. However, when a male colleague mentioned the same idea two weeks later, it was considered brilliant, innovative, and worthy of many back slaps from the good old boys.
In other words, she had to be twice as good as her male colleagues at the same job.
But that never made her bitter.
Her forced early retirement did not, either. Instead, it was time to explore new ideas. She travelled extensively and eventually wrote two books.
She also volunteered, well into her eighties.
And she loved her garden, animals, and growing fruits and vegetables.
SOME LIFE AND MONEY LESSONS
So, after an interesting and somewhat uneven life, you might expect that she had money issues, especially since she lived to a considerable age.
You would be wrong. With few exceptions, she did not. And that was no accident. She planned scrupulously. Here are a few life lessons I learned from her
LIFE LESSON 1: Be grateful for what you have and don’t assume anyone owes you anything.
When I see people fail, there are often two main reasons: 1) they assume the world owes them a living, and 2) they do not acknowledge the good things in their lives.
That is a soul-crunching combination of failing attitudes. One attitude stifles initiative, and the other makes one blind to opportunity, and negative, too. Successful people are optimistic, while failures often wallow in their misfortune.
Mom never gave in to bitterness. She had reason to, but she kept moving on, emphasizing the positive parts in her life.
LIFE LESSON 2: Save your money and be careful with it.
You don’t take money for granted when shoes and food are luxuries. She learned from that and practiced this lesson her entire life.
For instance, frugality and taking nothing for granted are often precursors to success. It is no accident that a staggering number of immigrants have made it on the Forbes 400, completely disproportionate to their numbers in the population.
Many wealthy individuals grew up outside the US without much money before immigrating. You don’t take money for granted when you don’t have it. Mom never did, and you should not either. She was comfortable well into her old age, and it had more to do with her thriftiness than anything else.
LIFE LESSON 3: Get educated and stay educated
I don’t mean just formal education—my Mom was exemplary in that regard. Staying informed and learning new skills was a lifelong process. See here.
LIFE LESSON 4: Give back
She quietly gave to charities and people she knew who needed it. As I went through her files, tucked away among the to-do lists, nutrition, and self-improvement articles were large bills for someone I had not heard of who had needed costly dental work. I had no idea she had been charitable and kind to that person, and I am proud of her. Many of the most successful people in life give significant amounts of their money away.
LIFE LESSON 5: Understand the difference between rules for competition and family life.
In America, we compete for everything, especially money.
But with your family, knowing right and wrong is crucial. Winning and losing are not important.
LIFE LESSON 6: Don’t assume you have forever.
This is not a monetary lesson, but worth heeding. If you have loved ones, you are lucky. Take the time to hug them. They will not always be with you.
If you are holding a grudge, it is time to get over it.
About three weeks before her passing, Mom suddenly had an extraordinary bout of clarity amid her accelerating dementia. She talked to me about some very unpleasant aspects of our lives–things we had never discussed before. And she asked me at the end: How did you come out so good?
It was something I will never forget.
So, before she passed, there was no longer anything left unsaid.
She left this life three weeks later, and there was no unfinished business between us. And I hugged her and told her I loved her while I had the chance. I was fortunate.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED—THE MONEY PART
I have also absorbed several lessons in the aftermath. In future posts, I will discuss some challenges you may face if you inherit and deal with estate issues, life changes, and tax challenges.
Disclaimer: consult with a financial fiduciary before taking any steps outlined here. Not all advice may be suitable for your circumstances or investment style.
Image: Greg Rakozy
License: Unsplash