“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.”
― Mark Twain
Last April Fool’s Day, we learned that Americans trust financial advisors with beards.
There has been no reaction from clean-shaven female money advisors so far.
This year, there is more good news about money excuses. I will discuss some of the best new excuses in the continued spirit of April Fool’s silliness.
And, as odd as much of this thinking about excuses is, they are not an April Fool’s Day joke. On the contrary, these examples are genuine (sort of).
EXCUSE NO. 1: IF YOU SEE A UFO, YOU WILL HAVE FINANCIAL SUCCESS IN RETIREMENT.
When millennials were polled a few years ago, it turned out that most felt they were more likely to see a UFO than to collect Social Security.
So, it follows that the more UFOs we see, the better our chances of collecting, right?
Well, there is good news on that front. We are now more likely to acknowledge we have seen a UFO.
You see, the government has admitted that not all UFOs are swamp gas and Chinese spy balloons. They are real, and no one knows precisely what they are. So, if you see a UFO, you are no longer automatically deemed crazy.
However, the same cannot be said about observing Congress act on Social Security reform.
There have been no credible sightings of progress so far.
EXCUSE NUMBER 2: IF A BIRD S**TS ON YOU, YOUR FINANCIAL SUCCESS IS GUARANTEED
Good fortune and birds pooping on you are a combination with an international twist.
You see, in some parts of Turkey, it is considered good luck to be pooped on by passing birds. In fact, the poopee is considered wise if they subsequently purchase a lottery ticket the same day. The thinking is that their good fortune can make them rich.
I am not making this up.
I once received a large gift like that from a passing bird. It happened to me when I was a kid on a camping trip. But later, no one doubled my allowance, and I never found a hoard of gold coins buried around the campsite either. Maybe I should have purchased a lottery ticket.
So, yes, I have been pooped on, but I have never seen it as a kind of affection or an omen of good fortune.
However, if this kind of good fortune extends to cars, I must be the luckiest person on earth.
EXCUSE NUMBER 3: THE RULE OF FINDERS KEEPERS ALWAYS HOLDS–ESPECIALLY IF YOU FIND NEARLY A BILLION DOLLARS
You know that if someone accidentally sends you money, you must return it, right?
Still, most of us hope that if a million dollars fell out of the sky, we could keep it, even if it belongs to someone else.
Unfortunately, it does not usually work that way. But sometimes, it does apply when a billion dollars is involved.
That is what occurred when a large financial institution mistakenly sent nearly a billion dollars to the wrong place.
Oops.
The recipient decided to keep the money.
Of course, that resulted in a lawsuit. It’s the American way.
But how the first judge finally ruled was surprising. After hearing all the arguments, the judge said, the legal equivalent of “finders’ keepers, losers weepers.”
That did not make the bank happy. So, they appealed the first judge’s ruling to another court. Finally, the parties settled the lawsuit, but the bank did not get all its money back.
I am sure the lawyers all got paid.
EXCUSE NO 4: CELEBRITIES ARE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE THEY MAKE GOOD INVESTMENTS. NEVER WASTE TIME CHECKING OUT AN INVESTMENT IF IT HAS A CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT.
Celebrity endorsements matter. They work because we all want to be just like our favorite celebrities. You know: good-looking, accomplished, wealthy, and masters of our fate. How could a celebrity be wrong?
So, I should have endorsed cryptocurrency exchanges in 2021 and then invested according to certain celebrities. But slug that I am, I could not keep up on the road to crypto riches. I lost my chance to see if investing in crypto would put a dimple on my chin, turn my eyes blue and make my wallet fat.
However, it turns out that many of the rich and famous did not waver. In 2022 some endorsed and then invested in cryptocurrency exchanges.
Even sophisticated hedge funds invested in crypto exchanges, and they probably had smart, trustworthy people with beards urging them to do it. But unfortunately, many analysts did NOT do their due diligence to ensure that these exchanges’ leaders could be trusted. And they put those investors’ dollars to work in a largely unregulated industry.
Marketers want you to think you can be just like their celebrity endorsers if you imitate them. But you can’t. And, it turns out, that is not always a bad thing.
In a strange twist, many cryptocurrencies have gone up this year as banks fail. This is not an April Fool’s joke. But many exchanges face new legal challenges too.
LET’S HEAR ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE EXCUSES
Do you have any good April Fool’s money excuses? Please put them in the comment section.
We must keep this tradition going. I may even grow a beard.
Disclaimer: consult with a financial fiduciary before taking any steps outlined here. Not all advice may be suitable for your circumstances or investment style.
Photo Credit: Andre Mouton
License: Unsplash